Circus Life Part 2: Novelty vs. Familiarity

Posted by Kristin Hawkinson on Tuesday, October 4, 2016 Under: Cirque Italia

One of circuses’ missions is to play on the concept of novelty. “The1^st Official Aquatic Circus in U.S.” is plastered on a few of the Cirque Italia trucks and novelty items are sold by the dozens every show. The performances are designed to keep you on the edge of your seat, and children especially swim in the ignorance during the clown acts and intermission activities.

What is it with our brains and the addiction to novelty? Is it something that’s been around since humans existed? If you look carefully at our nature, you can see that the only reason humans are exploring outer space and talking about colonizing other planets right now is purely because of our drive to seek new and improved experiences. So why, then, do we also try so hard to find stability? Why do people get married and stick with each other for 30+ years? Why have the older living generations sought and fought to settle down and have land of their own? Why are people so afraid of climate change and migration? It’s an interesting balance—the play between novelty and familiarity—like the yin and yang.

I set out on this journey to save the planet, but rather, so far, in a huge way it has saved me. There’s still plenty of dissonance happening in my brain, but as I have been keeping in touch with my dear couchsurfing friend who introduced me to WWOOF, it seems that dissonance never disappears. He wrote in an email to me, “I think when my journey began I looked forward and thought...’One day I won't have troubles... one day I’ll be exceptionally strong and be able to weather the storms.’ Well let me tell you... I'm still waiting on that day. ;) But it does get easier in ways. Certain things do come together and the more you love and give to others, the more they come back around at the perfect time and you realize you aren't alone.” Thank you, Jacob. You always know just what to say.

I’ve purposely been seeking novelty since this summer began. New nature spots to explore, new places to lay my head at night, new career opportunities (and not settling with any of them just yet), new people and friendships, new cultures, new places to eat, the list goes on. I find myself missing the familiarity occasionally. I think about my favorite bike trails with the best trees to climb along the river in Moorhead; or about the routine trips to my friends’ place outside of town for beers and bud and bonfires under the stars; or about my family and playing with the kiddos until I can’t breathe from laughing so hard. In Knoxville, I looked up biking trails around the town and noticed there were enough to explore a new one each day; however, once I found a spot I liked in the first park I ventured into, I went back to that same spot all weekend—climbing up the same tree, sitting on the same branch to practice the uke/read/write/nap, taking Emilio to the same patch of the riverside for picnics. Even being with Emilio, the same person who stole my heart with a smile back in Wilmington, has driven me to invest in familiarity lately. Is it because I’ve been wearing out the novelty-seeking part of my brain on this trip?

What happens when you settle? When you invest in a seemingly good opportunity and cash in your chips when you see a surplus? What happens when you gamble away the first or second or third opportunity to see if the fourth or fifth or sixth one will be better? I think I’ve figured out the best way to handle this life of dice-rolling, at least for myself. I made the metaphorical connection when I biked around Knoxville last weekend. Instead of only chasing the novelty by exploring every park in the city, I narrowed my sample size to a manageable, investigable one. From there I briefly submersed myself in every part of it, and like I said earlier, scoping out the most enticing spots to later return to. After I slept on it for a night, I returned to the big park and stopped at one that I was particularly drawn to. I invested most of my time in it, getting to learn the details of a specific tree and getting used to the area around it. Once in a while, I’d venture out a little bit to the riverbank and walk along it, climbing up other trees for fun, but still coming back to the one that I’d grown emotionally familiar and attached to. Even though I didn’t test out every single option, I still enjoyed the familiarity of one particular location while still satisfying my need to explore the novelty of the surrounding areas too.

How does this apply to my life? It might seem obvious to some, and to others may seem appalling. I want my social relationships and career endeavors to be the same way. I can’t choose and remain in the same career for decades. I can’t be strictly monogamous. That would be like investing all my time to just that one tree, without enjoying the view of the river or smelling the flowers from the bushes in the nearby field. I still got to know the tree really well—which branches were too weak to hold my weight, which ones were most comfortable to sit on, growing accustomed to how the leaves sounded when the wind blew through them. There was even a day when someone else was propped up reading a book under that tree when I arrived, so I smiled knowing they were enjoying the same qualities that I have been and took the opportunity to explore the riverside instead. When it came time for me to bid farewell to “my spot,” my heart was full and was not broken, because I know that there is another “spot” waiting to be discovered in the next town. And that if I were to ever return to Knoxville, I’d know just where to go to feel at home. And that other people will make use of the spot long after I’m gone because I made no personal claim of ownership over it. It seems to me that familiarity is important, but so is novelty, and it would be a shame to put all of your eggs in either of those baskets.The only thing constant is change.

If I had settled for the first best situation in my adult life, I might be married to an emotionally unstable partner, probably working at a desk job for the psychiatric and addiction facility in Fargo, stuck there for a decade working 5 days a week to make my way up the ladder so that I can pay back my student loans by the time I hit age 45, living in a tiny apartment barely getting by and with little or no time to explore the country. But I said, “Nah, there’s gotta be more out there. This has been fun, but I’m going to travel.” I rolled the dice. Want to know what situation my life is in now? I have an incredible life of adventure, discovery, and exploration! I stuck with the circus long enough to prove my worth to the owner, who offered me a semi-permanent position as a tent crew member starting in January, where I am still able to come and go as I please and earn several hundred dollars a weekend without putting the money right back into rent or other silly bills. I did the math: I could be able to pay off my $40k student loan debt in as little as 2-3 years…. Not 30. I'd get to travel the United States, learn new languages, get to know people from around the world, spend time with this amazing man I’ve continued to fall for who supports everything I want to do, and use this opportunity as a stepping stone to seek more novel experiences and help people around the world in just a few short years, debt free. I can’t help but laugh right now, because some people thought I was crazy and irresponsible when I left my familiar comfort zone a few months ago. “What you need to do is get a job, pay off your loans, save a bunch of money up, and THEN take an adventure,” they said. :)

Even if this doesn’t work out and I’m back on the street, broke and at a dead end in 2017, there’s no denying that settling for something isn’t always the best option. Between familiarity and novelty, one is not better than the other. Not for me, anyway. No, siree bob. The yin and yang will always be beautiful to me.

Emilio took more initiative to clean up trash around the river than even I did. I think I found a wonderful person to share this chapter of my life with.