The Path to Change

Somedays it seems like I am so disconnected from the world without Facebook or solid internet access. My feelings on that are quite ambivalent. It’s freeing but my global reach seems to be much harder to grasp, as if I’m suddenly without nerve endings in my skin: I know the outside world exists (politics, global economics, etc.), and I see it pop up from time to time, but if I get too caught up in my own tasks, I lose sense of what’s really out there. Even this blog seems to feel as though I’m speaking in my own isolated echo chamber, sending these words out into the abyss without another soul absorbing them. Perhaps this is merely an online journal, but opened for anyone who happens to stumble upon it.

Allora, andando avanti.

Living without a stable “home” since last May has taught me a lot about myself and has made me really appreciate moments of security. While I may be a bit burnt out from traveling already, it’s also strengthened my resolve to be without unnecessary possessions. Nearly everything I own is practical and the items that aren’t have importance or sentimental value to it. I ditched well over half of my possessions when I left Moorhead, Minnesota and now I’m excited to announce that I will be reducing it yet again in May by just as much. “I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast. It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most. The days get longer and the nights smell green. I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.” (Modest Mouse, I couldn’t have said it better myself)

As a precursor, I must mention that before leaving Fargo/Moorhead last year I met someone who piqued my interest when the first conversation started off talking about free will. I decided I didn’t want to cut ties and opted to create a “pen pal” relationship with him while I traveled. In a way, he was there during my times on WWOOF farms and in the circus with Emilio, but not present in a way that distracted me from my expidition. Meanwhile, I spent the latter half of 2016 partially in search of a potential partner to go on future adventures with. I will admit that I found many incredible people on that journey, but no one that captivated me as someone I could comfortably travel with, let alone that expressed interest in uprooting their lives. I’ll skip the sappy story, but after getting to know Aaron for almost a year, I’ve grown quite fond of his personality: intelligent, ambitious, dedicated, inquisitive, compassionate.

In one of my letters, I proposed at first that he was welcome to join the circus this year when he planned to leave Fargo/Moorhead, but later added an alternative proposal to consider joining me on a bicycle tour through a few states this summer before he settled into his next living situation. I requested for him to refrain from giving me an answer until he thought about it at length and deeply considered the implications. As a sort of birthday present, months later, he visited me (and the circus tribe) in Florida and gave me his answer: yes. After some discussion, the current approximate route will be from Duluth, MN (where I began my journey last year at the Round River Farm) to Colorado, couchsurfing and WWOOFing along the way. Words can't describe my elation.

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying working for Cirque Italia; I truly feel like it is cross-training and preparing me to be able to move mountains in the future. But I know I won’t be able to last all year here as it’s too conducive to compromising my values… you know, the kind of environment that I deliberately evacuated from for that very reason in 2016. So, as much as I’ve felt like this circus entity has done some good for me, it’s time to start planning the next chapter. And I must say life keeps getting more beautiful. This brain I was blessed with has led me to where I’m at right now (Mary Esther, Florida, to be exact) and all I feel is complete and immense 6ratitude. 

"Sometimes my shadows do return. I just turn towards the sun and they fall behind me." -Wookiefoot




A very dear, new friend showed me a magical place called Lichgate in Tallahassee, FL with this magnificent oak tree (notice tiny little Isaac resting at its base). This place was a powerful reminder of what I want out of life: a place anyone is welcome, a place of healing and growth.



Meet Sam, a fellow tree hugger. Joined and left the circus much too soon.



Sam, Aaron and I... beach day with these lovely people on the emerald Gulf coast



Circus kids are still just kids. <3



Having fun in the ticket office with a mermaid and Cirque Italia owner's right hand man



Sad morning driving him back to the airport. It was great having Aaron here for a week... like a little piece of home

Between practicing gratefulness, mindfulness, and hopefulness, I have started to find a synergy that keeps my mind on the right path. I find my bad days are growing few and far between. I hope this finds a beautiful mind out there somewhere and plants an inspirational seed.